Saturday, December 31, 2011

Playing Together

Compromise: A brother and his little sister playing Finn McMissile Dollhouse.

Friday, December 30, 2011


I'm glad that C shows at least some tiny interest in potty training. However, walking through the reference department in the library is definitely NOT the time to sing "I pull down my pants, I did it by myself! I sit on the seat..."

I'm sure you also realize that C did not come with a low volume setting.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

You Talkin' Ta Me?

Me:  Take that finger out of your nose!
C (turns to look at me, finger still in nose):  Huh??
Me:  Take your finger out of your nose!
C:  Who?
Me:  You!
C:  Oooooh!  Okay.

A Healthy Diet

The rule of the day: if you don't know what it is, don't eat it.

(I suppose a lot of us would be healthier if we'd only ascribe to that!)

Apples and Engines

She wants to watch an apple-sode of Thomas the Tank Engine. Not an episode; I asked but she corrected me.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Worry Over Nothing

I was a little worried about Toddler this morning. Tween woke up with a heavy cold today.  Toddler's been very clingy and huggy.

I also haven't been able to get her to eat anything, other than a few bites of toast - oh, and that mysterious crunchy thing she picked up from Tween's bedroom floor.

At 1:30 in the afternoon, I was feeling a little desperate about getting some food in her.  She's light to begin with, and I don't want her to enter an illness without some energy.  I offered her the usual favorites:  turkey, peanut butter on bread, or coffee yogurt.  She insisted she was not hungry (!!).  So I went for a treat:  chocolate pudding.

"No...uh...yeah!  I will eat chock-o-lit pudding."

I brought the pudding from the kitchen.  Suddenly an impish light was in her eyes.  "Pudding!  YAHOO!"

Then, just to really point out the error of my ways, she climbed onto one of her Little Tikes chairs and perched, swaying, with her feet on the seat and her heiny on the back.

This should be an interesting afternoon with a pudding-fueled imp running around my house.

Workin' On The Railroad

Misheard song lyrics Part 3:

I've been workin' on the railroad
All the livelong day
I've been workin' on the railroad
That's the password all the way

Needles and Pines

We've decided that squeezing behind the Christmas tree after refusing to put our clothes on scratches our bare back and hurts.

I hope you properly guess which part of "we" I'm speaking of.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

NOT a defective product...

Just in case you were wondering, the Leapfrog Tag Reading System works fabulously on the Tag books, but won't say "booger" no matter how far up your nose you stick the tip of it.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Toddler Christmas

Christmas with a toddler was a really neat experience.  She saw the presents under the tree, but didn't really understand them.  She picked up one or two of them, but when asked to put them down, she immediately did.

When it was gift opening time, we gave her a present and helped her unwrap it.  She was SO thrilled to get each gift that the new item became her whole world.  She played and played, and didn't want to be interrupted with another box to unwrap.  By the end of our time, we were opening presents for her.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Parts of Speech

My tween son and I are playing Mad Libs. C wants in on the action. 

"My turn! Blue!!!"
"My turn again! Potato!"

Drama Queen

I mentioned earlier today that we took the gate off of the stairs. C now ascends the stairs, then calls us to attention. "People!! I have something to tell you! PEOPLE!" Then, when we look, she says, "I have a song for you!" She launches into a loud, semi-accurate rendition of one of her favorite songs, complete with dancing. At the end, she applauds herself.

She was, unquestionably, made for theater.


Took the gate off the stairs yesterday. It's been a hair-raising time, but included only one minor tumble.

We have a split level, so it's a carpeted half-staircase, but I still feel like I'm sending her rappelling over the Grand Canyon or something!

Friday, December 23, 2011

No Sweet Tooth Here!

She definitely does not like my Cinnabon candy canes, which is a relief because I know our entire house would be a sticky mess if she enjoyed them.

Should she ever try one without the wrapper, though, she might change her mind.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Tiger Talk

She has two small toy tigers.

C:  I have two tigers!  One, two!
Me:  Are they talking to each other?
C:  Yes!  They talking to 'chother.
Me:  What's this one's name?
C:  Tiger!
Me:  What's that one's name?
C:  Chother!

One day I fully expect to hear her follow this type of conversation with a nice, round "Duh, Momma!"


She's had a great day - no hitting, throwing, tantruming. An incredible turn-around from yesterday.

But she's getting frustrated.

She just marched up to me and stated, "I want to say 'hi-YAH!'"
Me: "Hi-YAH??"
C (Swinging her arm and jumping Ninja-style): "Hiiii-YAH!!!!!"

Spelling Bee

She is on another spelling kick today.

C: How you spell eye?
Me: E-Y-E
C: How you spell the nother eye?

Very, very hard to laugh and spell correctly at the same time!

Monday, December 19, 2011

New Phrases

C has picked up not one, but two, new favorite phrases this weekend:
"I don't HAVE to do that!"
"I don't care."

Thursday, December 15, 2011

More Serenading

Guess what she's singing now:

All day I be-de-be-de bum!

Classical Serenade

Toddler sings Handel:

Ha-yuyah! Ha-yuyuh! Hayuyah, hayuyah, ha-yuyah!

Rejoice! Rejoice! Rejo-o-o-o-oice quickly!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Too Bad Clowns Don't Deliver

"Mommmmmaaaaa," C called, so I came in the living room to see what she wanted. She looked forlorn. 
Me: "Aw! What do you need, baby?"
C: "I need..."
Me: "Do you need a cup of milk?"
C: "Noooo. I need..."
Me: "Do you need a hug?"
C: "No. I need...I need..." (Suddenly jumping up and down) "I need chicken nuggets and french fries!"

Monday, December 12, 2011

Backyard Trouble Makers

She's climbed onto a chair at the dining room table with several of her Backyardigans toys.

"No, Uniqua!  Don't touch a THING!  Don't, Uniqua!!"


Anyone know how to wash coffee stains out of a pink stuffed animal?

Good? Bad?

I'm irredeshtable!

Now if I could only figure out what on earth she's saying...

From the Couldn't Possibly Make This Stuff Up file:

Today she's a panda cowboy riding to Borneo.

Sunday, December 11, 2011


She wants to see a tiger at the zoo. And a hippo. And a zebra. And a unicorn.

Good in the Eye of the Beholder

Just heard myself say this:

What a good girl you've been today! You've hardly thrown anything, and haven't kicked, or hit, or bitten anybody at all! You've had a really good day!

Wow. Reality hits hard!

The Presence of the Lord

Sitting through the worship service with a toddler who can sight read a few words but has no social skills is difficult.  As the words to the songs are projected onto the screen in the front, the toddler in the back is very proud of herself.
"Look!  The!  I found the word The!"
"Mommy!  And!  It say And!"
"With!  With, Mommy!"

But the best one, by far (and you know this kind of thing always happens during a lull), was this:
"Mommy!!  I SEE GOD!!"

Lofty ideas

I look up and see her on the dining room table.

Me:  Climb down from that table!
C (looking around innocently):  Oh, I dunno...
Me:  Do you want to sit in your play pen?
C (backing quickly to the edge of the table):  Oh!  You are right!  I go sit in the chair now!

Nuttin' For Christmas

Nuttin’ For Christmas
(Toddler Version)

I’m gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas
Mommy and Daddy are mad
I’m gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas
‘Cuz I ain’t been nuttin’ but bad

I wrote with marker on my clothes
Somebody snitched on me
I stuffed some Play Doh up my nose
Somebody snitched on me

I climbed the fridge in nothing flat
Poured oatmeal in Brother’s hat
Put my diaper on the cat
Somebody snitched on me


I decorated with my poo
Somebody snitched on me
I helped myself to Elmer’s glue
Somebody snitched on me

I hid Mom’s cell phone in a drawer
Shut Sister’s fingers in the door
Dumped my milk out on the floor
Somebody snitched on me


I won’t be seeing Santa Claus
Somebody snitched on me
He won’t come visit me because
Somebody snitched on me

There’s still a chance - I’m awfully cute
I’ll eat my veggies and my fruit
I’ll charm that guy in the big red suit
And get some gifts for me!


When I got ready for church, I carefully scrunched my hair, making sure it fell just right and had the right amount of curl.

After service, she climbed into my lap and took my hair in her hands.  With a disdainful look in her eye she asked, "Did you BRUSH this?"

Friday, December 9, 2011

Diaper Tales

A diaper story: proceed at your own risk.
She runs into the closet and closes the door. It's her usual doody spot lately.
Me: Are you pooping?
C: No!
<Loud noises ensue that I don't need to describe>
Me: Was that you pooping?
C: It was Larry the Cucumber!

Christmas Expectations

Apparently she is unaware of the fact that Santa gives coal sometimes. Either that or she just doesn't care.

I think she's counting on the cute factor to carry the day. I'm afraid, also, that she's right.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Primitive Eating Conditions

Forks must have been invented by some cavemom trying to get her kidlings to stop shoving every single piece of roast brontosaurus in their little Neanderthal mouths at once.

Now I have to figure out how she got them to NOT poke everyone and everything around them. The maniacal laughter really needs to stop, too.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Definitely NOT!

Charis made up a new song to the tune of Frere Jacques. It goes like this:

No, no, no, no (repeat)
No, no, no! (repeat)
No, no, no, no, no, no (repeat)
No, no, no! (repeat)


She doesn't seem to appreciate it much when we sing it back to her, though.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Bedtime Discussion

C (crying loudly): I want milk!
Me: No milk in bed. I'm sorry!
C: You don't HAVE to be sorry!
Me: You're right, baby.
C: I'm not a baby!
Me: No, you're not.
C: I'm a girl. I'm two!
Me: You're VERY two.
C: Yes!


Dr. Seuss Overload:

When the toddler climbs onto the back of the couch, says, "Would you, could you, in the dark?" and flips off the light.

Monday, November 28, 2011

When life hands you lemons...

C is having a bad day, as in a "squeeze all the bad I possibly can into every stinkin' moment" day.

Hold On For The Ride

C is having a bad day, as in a "squeeze all the bad I possibly can into every stinkin' moment" day.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Innocent Until Proven Guilty

She's standing by the window, enjoying the view as well as the warmth from the baseboard heat.  She's got her big sister's ring.  It's banded with various colors.  She turns it around and says, "It's white...and lellow...and green....and blue...and white...and lellow...and green...and blue...and white..."

Suddenly I hear a loud plink.  "Oh, nooooo!"

"What's wrong?" I ask.

She looks down at her empty hand, then back at me.  "Somebody dropped that ring into the heater!"

Love me from a distance

Her new game today is hugging practice. She climbs onto my lap and says, "Big Hug! Wrap your arms around and squeeEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEEeeeze!"

Lots of hugging practice going on today!

It would be much more pleasant, though, if she didn't have garlic breath.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Mt. M&Ms

We're watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on Earthcam.  Toddler can't keep her eyes off the M&M Store, which is directly across the street from the camera.  "I want the lellow one!  Or how 'bout the blue one?"

Trying to encourage her to watch the actual parade, I make note of the next float.  "Look!  It's Mount Rushmore!"

"Mmmmmmmmmm!  Muchmore!  Much more M&Ms!"

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Eye of the Beholder

She's adorability itself in her pink footie pajamas. She hugs me tight and asks, "you know what, Mommy?"


She snuggles up against me. "Mmmmmmmm!" with a big grin. "You UG-uh-ly! Hee hee!"

Learning To Lean

Toddler, standing with one foot on a dining room chair and the other foot on the armrest of a living room chair, stretches w-a-y over and precariously reaches toward the dial of the ceiling fan.

Under her breath, I hear her whisper, "...and lean not on your own understanding..."

Monday, November 21, 2011

Hide And Seek?

She figured out how to get into the coat closet and close the folding doors.  For a while we played along, but dinner and homework became pressing issues, so she was left to her own devices for a bit.

She again disappeared into the closet.
"...I see you!  Peek-a-boo!"
Abruptly she threw the door open with a piercing squeal.
"Yay!!  I found me!!"

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Something's Very Wrong

Loud wailing - the kind that puts a mom on red alert.

I rush into the room.  There stands my toddler.  Her body is stiff and tense.  Tears stream down her face.  Her face is the picture of agony.

My voice shows my alarm.  "What is it?  What's wrong?"

Her moaned response:  "I need some chock-oh-lit caaaaaannnnnnndddyyyyyyyyyyy!"

Yeah.  I've had moments like that, too.

Friday, November 18, 2011


Important news flash:

Crayola Twistable crayons are exactly the right size to hold themselves inside a toddler nostril without falling out, yet still get a nice swing going while dancing.

"Hey, momma! See my purple crayon?"
"Look at my lellow crayon, momma!'
"Now I gotta blue one!"

She's on a roll today, folks. She must be feeling better.


We don't play catch with golf balls - especially not in the living room!

The nurse scheduling our pediatrician appointment literally LOLed when she heard me say this. We figured that, by the time my kids arrive at the office, at least one will have a goose egg or black eye.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Cooking Lessons

If one stuffs both a duck and a bear in one's oven, one should not complain if the animals are difficult to remove.

And no, this is actually not MY cooking mistake this time. :)

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Higher Learning

Toddler's' big thrill of the day? Watching Tween's pre-algebra lesson with him.

Unfortunately, his teacher doesn't sing or dance (nor do Wii remotes affect her actions), so I wonder how long Toddler will watch.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Pricklier and Pricklier

Didn't think it was possible for my prickly-noodle girl to get any pricklier, but there you have it.

Lots of deep, barky coughing all around, too.


She hit me, not because she wants to hit me, but because "I wanna go in my playpen and cuh-RYYYY!"

Monday, November 14, 2011

Not Feeling Well

Some kids, when they are sick, are like a limp noodle.

My Toddler is like a limp noodle with spicy, prickly sauce.


It's nice to hold her all day, but it would be more pleasant if she'd lose the attitude. :)

Sunday, November 13, 2011

The Budding Artist

I learned an important lesson this morning. If your toddler asks, "May I please draw wiff dis black pencil?" it is wise to put your glasses on and make sure it really is a black pencil (as opposed to, say, a Sharpie marker) that she's holding.

Otherwise, she'll go to church with black fingers and a few extra beauty marks.

And if she says, "Mommy, I drawing onna wall wiff my blue pencil," you might consider that she's being completely accurate.

Friday, November 11, 2011

A Question of Fashion

Stopped at Target today. Walked past their $1 section and picked up some Disney Princess socks, then went to Toddler Girls for some winter church duds.

When we got home, I lay out the two new church outfits - a pretty sweater dress and a sweater/pants combination. I called Toddler over.

Me (gesturing to the clothes): What will you wear to church on Sunday?
Toddler (jumping up and down): Cute socks!!

Guessing Game

C (in a silly mood): Mommy, what am I?
Me: Are you a bug?
C: Nooooo! I am not a bug!
Me: Are you a bear?
C: Nooooo! I am not a bear!
Me: Are you a booger?
C: N....YES! Yes, I am a booger! I am a booger, Mommy!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Drive Thru

I went through the Dunkin Donuts drive thru today on the way to the grocery store. Needed a caffeine fix. I ordered my coffee, and just as I finished, a voice from the back seat called, loud enough for the cashier to hear:

"We wan' a bagel! An' we wan' a chocolate donut, too!"

Monday, November 7, 2011

Momma Brag

She read a sentence yesterday. "The cat and dog play tag." 

Yes, she did.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Oh, To Bee Asleep

Last night I was putting C to bed and, as usual, she was full of chatter. This time it was all about her new favorite hobby.

C:  My name is C*****. C-*-*-*-*-*. Yes! That is my name!
Me: Yep! Now go to sleep.
C (asking about my name): How you spell P*****?
Me: P-*-*-*-*-*. Now go to sleep!
C: How you spell duck? I want to spell duck.
Me: Shhhh! I'll tell you tomorrow. Go to sleep!
C: I want to spell duck! Please tell me how to spell duck! PLEASE!
Me (very quickly): D-U-C-K! Go to sleep!
C: Oh! That how you spell duck! ...How you spell elephant?
Me: I'll tell you tomorrow. Go to sleep!
She asked me how to spell elephant a few more times, but I held off.

Fast forward to this morning. She's causing her usual general mayhem - strewing credit cards from my purse around, sucking on Hannah's lip gloss, and hiding behind the furniture. It's been a long morning already and she's only been awake for two hours. Suddenly she runs over to me.
C: How you spell elephant?? Mommy! How you spell it?
Me: :) E-L-E-P-H-A-N-T
C: Ah! THAT how you spell elephant! I see!
Pause, during which an obvious lightbulb flashes
C: How you spell LITTLE elephant?

Friday, November 4, 2011


I'm home alone with C. So far this is our fun activity:

C: Pbbbbbbt!
Me: What are you doing??
C: 'Pitting on Mommy!
Me: Spitting on Mommy?!
C: Yup! Pbbbbbbbt!

Drama Practice

C's new thing: She brings me whatever she's playing with and asks, "You wan' take dis from me?"
Me: No, thank you!
C: Please take dis from me!
Me: That's okay. You can keep it!
Me: Okay, okay! (I take offered toy)
C: WaaaaAAAAAAaaaaaAAAAH! (Pounding fists on couch; tears flowing)
Me: What's wrong???
C: You take dat from meeeeeeeEEEEEEEEeeee!
Me: Well, here, take it back! (Hands it back)
C: Thank you!...(Runs off, finds another toy)...You wan' take dis from me?

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Literate Farm Animals

Yesterday we went to C's favorite place in all the world - the library.

Today she is playing with a little barn and some animals. The duck is jumping up and down and singing, "We're going to the 'brary, the 'brary, the 'brary! We're going to the 'brary! We're going right now!"

Monday, October 31, 2011

Big and Not Big

Last week we celebrated my husband's birthday. I was changing C's diaper just before bed when she began a conversation about ages.
C: I am two!
Me: Yes, you are!
C: And you are 45!
Me: Uh...yeah.
C: How old is Daddy?
Me: 46.
C: 46! That's a big number! But daddy is a big man.

I'm really, really glad that she doesn't seem to think 45 is a big number!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

A Good Time To Be All Talk

Fart. That's a funny word! Isn't it a funny word, Momma? Fart. Fart! I say it again. Fart!

This is a short example of bedtime chit chat as C tries to fall asleep.

Monday, October 24, 2011


Alarm: When your toddler runs into the next room with a pencil and begins spelling her name out loud as you hear scritch-scratching on the wall.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Magnification Required

C's obsession with written words is whimsical but aggravating. She insists I read all kinds of things to her - the dictionary, nutrition facts from the Cheerios box, all the tiny words on the bottom of Matchbox cars and other toys. I need better glasses (and a much bigger reserve of patience)!

Thursday, October 20, 2011


Bought her some Hello Kitty socks. Now she has to show everyone one foot, then the other. She's also greatly angered at wearing pants, since they cover the tops of her feet and she can't see her Kitties any more.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Tech Support

Last night I was doing the church bookkeeping on the Official Church Computer. We keep it on a table behind the couch so I can work without leaving the room. The computer is out of C's easy reach. She can get into it but knows she is not allowed to.

I left the room briefly to get something. While I was gone, I heard C saying, "I typing my words on your letters, Momma!" Click, click, click. Sure enough, she had climbed onto the couch and leaned over the back, and was punching buttons on my keyboard.

In an effort to stop her from doing any damage, I quickly called out, "C! What are you doing?"

She turned to the screen, swirled the mouse around a bit, and with a look of consternation said, "Momma, it look like you have a problem here."

Saturday, October 15, 2011

No Roast Beef Here

Me: This little piggy went to...
C: Market!!
Me: This little piggy stayed...
C: Home!!
Me: This little piggy had...
C:...Uh...ummmmmm...PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY!!

Friday, October 14, 2011

You've Got A Little Something Right There...

C is getting her molars, so is not sleeping well and is a bit drooly.  She wanted a little break, so I picked her up and she snuggled her cheek on my shoulder.  When she lifted her head, though, my shoulder was a little wet.

She pointed to the damp spot and said,

"Momma, your hug is dirty."

You've Got A Little Something Right There...

C is getting her molars, so is not sleeping well and is a bit drooly. She wanted a little break, so I picked her up and she snuggled her cheek on my shoulder. When she lifted her head, though, my shoulder was a little wet.

She pointed to the damp spot and said,

"Momma, your hug is dirty."

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Play Ball!

C: Momma, can we go onto my living room floor? And I push the ball to you, and you push the ball to me, and I push the ball to you, and you push the ball to me, and I push the ball to you, and you push the ball to me, and I push the ball to you...(you can imagine the rest, I'm sure).


Today she's telling on herself.

"Momma, I standing onna chair inna dining room!"
"I eating my purple Play-Doh, Momma!"
"Momma, I touching your letters on your compooooter!"

Think she wants some attention?

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Lip Bomb

C had my chapstick (Burt's Bees). I don't like to let her play with it, but I'm not in a fighting mood (LONG day). Just now she came up to me and said, "Where's my tiny little orange lid?"

Uh oh. She must have opened the chapstick.

I asked the more important question. "Where's my chapstick?"

"I dunno! I do not have it any more! I dunno where it could be!"

Yuck! Sure hope she finds it soon!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Clean Up Time

Me: If you want to play with your puzzles, you have to clean up the Legos.
C (wailing loudly): But I don't wannooooooooo.
Me: Then no puzzles.
C (following me around): But I cryyyyyyyyyyyying!

A little spoiled, ya think?

Sunday, October 9, 2011

The Bible: Not To Be Read In Church

Here's my Sunday C story. It's a little long, but I think it's worth it.

We attend a conservative church.  This week some friends of ours visited our church, so I and my daughters sat in the pew right behind them. Naturally we wanted to make a good impression.

After a few minutes, C wanted me to put her down. I don't like to do that but I was afraid she'd become insistent. She immediately picked up the first Bible in the pew, set it in front of her, and leafed through it. "Sweet," I thought, "and very church-appropriate." Once she finished that one, she placed it back in the holder, moved to the middle of the pew, and took the second Bible. She repeated her performance, but began to chat loudly about the Bible and reading it. The congregation was still singing, though, so not many could hear. "Still on pretty good footing here," I thought.

She replaced that Bible and went on to the third, and last, Bible in the pew. This time she set it down, opened it, and said, "Momma! These letters spell words"

"Yes," I replied, "but please be quiet."

"Momma, read me the words on the page. The letters spell words. Read them to me!" Her voice grew louder with each insistence. My signals to "shhhhh!" went unheeded. My gentle suggestion to turn the page met with louder defiance. Finally I decided it would be less distracting if I just read her a verse or two from the page she was on.

Until I saw what portion of scripture it was.

The page was headed "Forbidden Sexual Relations."

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Passing On The Torch

My teen daughter and tween son, J, used to play Space Explorer while we were driving in the car. In official astronaut voices, they'd travel all over the universe, finding aliens (friendly and otherwise) and exploring strange new worlds. My daughter plays along now but lacks a certain enthusiasm.

Last night she was trying to be a good big sister but was falling rather flat. My son said, "Take us to light speed, Lieutenant!"  She didn't reply.  He repeated it several times. "Light speed, Lieutenant! Engage light speed drive!"

Suddenly a little voice piped up. "Light speed is broken, J! No light speed! J! No light speed, big brother!"

Star Trek: The Next Generation? :)

Monday, October 3, 2011

What Does This Spell?

Boy does she want to read. 

"What does this spell? What does this spell? The a says /a/, the c says /k/, the a says /a/...all these letters are WORDS!! What does it spell?"

Big brother finally read it to her. So what did it spell?

"Academic freedom."

A bit ironic!

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Another Thing I Never Thought I'd Say

Things I never thought I'd say:

I can't just let you get away with throwing an elephant across the room!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Her Only Hope

A friend is visiting and has an older flip phone. C got ahold of it.

She flipped it open and pressed a few buttons. The phone began to beep and glow.

C looked intently into the glowing screen and said,


"Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi!"