Monday, December 31, 2012

Temptation

Tonight we discussed the verse where Jesus said, "Watch, therefore, so that you do not fall into temptation."

C: What that mean - fall into "tempation"?
Me: Well, temptation is when you really want to do something even though you know it's bad. Like hitting.
C: Or like screeching!
Me: Yes! Like hitting or screeching. And falling to temptation is when you do the thing anyway, even though you know it's bad and you shouldn't.
C: Oh!...I have a REAL PROBLEM with that!

Foot Fun

Me: Hey, take your feet out of that box of beads, please!
C: No, I won't! They're having SO much fun in there!

Sunday, December 30, 2012

It's bedtime, following a long day of trying to patiently discourage chasing the cat, throwing Matchbox cars, and playing with the vacuum hose. We are reviewing the verse C has been memorizing: Even a child is known by his actions - by whether his conduct is pure and right. 

We spoke of the verse's meaning.

Me: If you do good things people will think of you as a good girl, but if you do bad things, people will think of you as a bad girl.
C: Oh! Am I a good girl or a bad girl?
Me : Well, we all have some good and some bad inside of us. You are...
C: Hilarious!

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Stepping Stones

C: I am the TOOTH FAIRY!!

This is very strange, since we are firmly between tooth-losers. I didn't even know she'd heard of the tooth fairy. But carefully connecting the dots here, I'd say that either the tooth fairy rules the universe, or is one in a series of stepping stones to that position. I guess we'll know for sure if, next December, she's Santa Claus.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Her Highness

J, in a hurry to spend his Christmas money: Put your socks on! Put your coat on! Put your stuff on!
C: I RULE THE UNIVERSE!!! DON'T TOUCH ME!!

Folks, I truly have no idea where she got that from.

Throwback


Ha ha ha!! We borrowed some old Hardy Boys DVDs from the library. C is dancing around the living room to Da Doo Ron Ron.

Poth-able

C runs up to me with a big bag of carrots, but slips and does a crazy flip on the way down.

"I meant to do that! It was a poth-able!"

Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas

The Christmas Eve service was about half over. The candles at the front of the sanctuary were lit and a scripture was being read as a young soloist in the back pew burst into song: "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch. You're a nasty, wasty skunk..."

I hate it when you quietly hush them and they only get louder.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Christmas Science


C is singing "Jingle Bells," but she's changed the words. It would make a great science song (if it isn't one already). She's singing "Single cells, single cells..."

Decorum


We had friends over for dinner after church today. It was bad enough when C announced that she was leaving the table to go to the potty. But she went a bit beyond the usual social restraints for dinner entertainment when she called from above, "Momma! You need to come and see my giant poopy!!"

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Approximately Equivalent

C: I want a banana.
Me: You already had a banana today.
C: Oh. Well, then I'll have a ring pop instead.

Failure To Play

I always put a video on for C while I exercise on my elliptical. My DVD player is old, though, and doesn't accept many of our DVDs. Today she wanted to watch one that we hadn't tried yet. She also called to my attention the fact that it was scratched, so we didn't have a lot of hope.

I put the DVD in the machine, then turned to get my elliptical ready. "Momma," C said, "it's not going to work. The DVD player says 'loss', so it won't play."

We've had this DVD player for years, and I've seen lots of messages, but never that one. I turned to look at the DVD player display.

It was 10:55.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

I Guess Moms Can Do Anything!


C: Hey, Momma! Teach me how to fly!

Onomatopoeia

After leaving my makeup brushes all over the living room, C brings me an empty Chapstick container.

C: I used all your chapstick.
Me: You shouldn't have done that. Where is the lid?
C: I don't know. Maybe over there. (Goes to find lid.)
Me: If you can't stay out of my stuff, I can't let you into my room.
C: Pbbbbbbbt!
Me: Go sit on your bed. You don't spit at Mommy.
C (walking to her room): Pbbbbbbbbt! Pbbbbbbbt!
Me: If you spit again, I'll have to spank you.
C: "Spit!" "Spit, spit, spit!"

Sigh.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Or A Month Of Sundays...

C: Hey, Momma, is this week Saturday?

Now THERE is an idea! I hope she holds onto that one for when she's Dictator of the Universe - a week of Saturdays!

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Three Wise People

C, playing with our Playmobil Nativity Set:

I am a king. Here is my gold!
I am a king. Here is my frankincense!
I am a queen. I RULE THE UNIVERSE!!!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Cleaning Help

The cat is lying on my lap as I knit. C sits on the couch next to me. 
C: Oh, look! The cat is licking her paw!
Me: Yes, she is. That's how she gets clean.
Quick as a wink, C leans over, sticks her tongue out and licks the cat's paw.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Amusement


Crying because the library is closed. Guess it's time I planned a trip into our day, instead of putting it off. The library is this kid's Disney.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Advancing My Years

According to C, I'm "olding my age."

Personally, I feel that she's the one responsible for it.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

What's In A Name (Part 6 or so)

C: Momma, why your name is Momma?
Me: Well, a woman has her own name, like Pamela. But when she has a child, then her child calls her Momma, and that becomes like a new name.
C: Or Mommy, or Mom.
Me: Yes! She can be called Momma, or Mommy, or Mom. Or Mother. But Momma, Mommy, and Mom are sweeter and nicer.
C: Oh...Okay, Mother.

Her Own Kind Of Princess

We keep C's hair up in a bun at all times because she tends to chew on it. Last night, I took it down and brushed it out as my teen daughter and I commented on how pretty it was. We happened to be in front of a mirror.

C: Oh! I don't look like me!
Me: Who do you look like?
C: I look like...Rapunzel! Yes! I'm Rapunzel!
(Dances around swinging her long blonde hair for a bit.)
C: Okay. I am done being Rapunzel. Please put my hair up. I want to be C now.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Killjoy

C: I just made up a banammy-magic!
Me: Huh??
C: A banammy-magic!
Me: A what?
C: Never mind. I just made up some silly nonsense. I don't even know what it was. I've forgotten it. So forget about it.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

The Formal Announcement

We are sitting at the table taking a break from J's schoolwork. We're talking about favorite colors, and Christmas, and a variety of other things. Suddenly, C interrupts.

C (very loudly): I WANT TO RULE THE UNIVERSE!!!
Me (laughing): What did you say?
C (whispering): I said I don't want to rule the universe. Hee hee!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Excuses, Excuses

"Goodness 'stake! A mistake is something that you do, and when something goes wrong. I'm sorry you're frustrated with me, J!"

I probably don't want to know what preceded this statement.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

What's In A Name (Part 4 or 5...)

C is looking through the yet-to-be-earned Squinkies. She gets Squinkies as a reward for behaving in church, and for certain things at home, as well. She has her eye on a little raccoon.

Meanwhile, I've lost the verses that go along with our ornaments for our Jesse Tree (a sort of Biblical advent calendar). I have a trumpet before me, representing the story of Joshua.

Me (searching on Biblegateway.org): Jericho...Jericho...
C: That's what I will name him! Jerko!

Monday, December 3, 2012

The Hand That Rocks The Cradle

C: I WANT TO PLAY ON YOUR IPOD!!
Me: Go to your bed. I don't want you to have a fit.
C: I WANT to have my fit. I will go to my bed!! (Turns and walks up the stairs) But I don't want to go to my bed!
Me: But I don't want to see your fit.
C: How many times do I have to tell you? Seven times I've told you. I don't want to sit on my bed! (Repeat another few times). Or I will flip out!!
Me: Oh! Well, then get on your bed. It's a nice, comfortable place to flip out.

Some days, even the despotic dictator can't win.

Friday, November 30, 2012

More Bedtime Prayers...

C: Heav'nly Father, thank You for my Squinkies. And help me stop being bad...What else should I pray?
Me: Please heal Mrs. J and Mrs. L...
C: Please heal Mrs. J and Mrs. L...
Me: And help us want to be like You.
C: And help everyone to be like me! Amen!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Just Do It!


C and her big brother, J, are doing their cardio workouts together.

J (panting): This...is...hard!
C: This...is...hard!
J: Just...keep...going!
C: Just...keep...going!
J: This is...no...trivial...matter!
C: No...trivial...matter!

What are they doing? Well, J is riding a stationary bike. And C is riding a rocking horse. LOL!!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

So Very Sweet

Daddy, tucking her in: You're my sweetheart!
Charis: Yes! I am your sweetheart! I'm EVERYONE's sweetheart!

Expanding the Vocabulary

Oh, great. Now she's made up her own word.
Me: Stop pulling my hair.
C: Buttever. Butt. Ever. Buttever! Hahahahaha!

To Care Or Not To Care...

It's quiet. Very quiet. Suspiciously quiet. I don't care. It's been a mischief-heavy day. 
Oh, wait! I might care!
Me: C!! What are you doing?
C: Putting your cherry lipstick on my fingers!
Yeah. I guess I care.

A Friend In Need

J has a Hot Wheels car, and C has a little duck. The duck is chasing the car.
J: If you don't stop chasing me, I'll call the cops!
C (holding pretend phone to ear): Helloooooo, cops! How are you today?
With the day she is having today, I'd say it would be a VERY good idea for her to befriend the police.

Blessed Sleep

After being up a few times in the night, C is feeling much better today. No fever or lethargy. Instead, we have timeouts, being sent to bed, and "I love you when you make me chocolate milk."
Thank the Lord for good health. Maybe I'll slip her some Benadryl later, just for good measure.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

What's In A Name: Take III

She got a My Little Pony for being so unbelievably good at the pediatrician this morning. 

C: I have Rainbow Rash!
Me: Her name is Rainbow DASH.
C: Shoot.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Hiding

Me: C? Where are you?
C: Over here!
Me: What are you doing?
C: Just hiding in this corner. I'm not doing anything.
Me: But why are you hiding?
C: Because J was fastistrated at me. So I am hiding here quietly.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

What's In A Name? (Take II)


C has a sweet pink baby doll she got for her first birthday.  The doll has twinkly blue eyes and wears a pink velour outfit.

She named the baby Rocco.

Me:  Why did you name her Rocco?
C:  Because she loves to rock!

Dude.

It's a sight better than all her other toys, though.  Their names are Bear, Bunny, Ducky, Monkey...

Saturday, October 27, 2012

A Great Giveaway! - My Spammy Post

I've never posted a spammy post, but this one is good - a FREE IPAD MINI!  You can get in on the action, too.  Doesn't EVERYONE want one of these?

This is the link to the FREE IPAD MINI giveaway!

Everyone go and enter now!  Like their Facebook page, too.  Lots of great free apps there!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Plan B

C (grabbing straw):  It's MINE!
Me:  Put it down.
C (running away):  No!
Me:  Bring that straw back!
C (throws straw on table):  BAD MOMMA!
Me:  Do you need a timeout?
C (grabbing fork):  I have another plan.

Definitionerating

C:  Can I do some hamscertizing?
Me:  Some what?
C:  Hanskortizing!
Me:  What?
C:  Hamminerskizing!
Me:  I'm sorry!  I don't know what you're saying.
C (rolling eyes):  I'll show you.

She goes downstairs and brings up her box of "school supplies."  She opens the box, takes out a paper, and grabs the scissors.  Squeezing her fingers into the finger loops, she says,

C:  Look!  Hand scissor-tizing!

Monday, October 22, 2012

She's No Pacifist

I have discovered the root of Charis' attitude issues.

As I cleaned out a cupboard yesterday, I found a box of plastic items - baby cup valves, baby medicine syringes, etc.  She pulled out a pacifier and said, "Oh!  Look! My terrifier!!!  Can I have it?  Can I PLEASE???"

I should probably paint sharp teeth on the outside and let her have it.  It may serve as a warning.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Injustice

I hate days like today.  As C's four hundredth time out is ending,  I ask her why she's in timeout.  She says, "I don't know!  What am I in timeout for?" and I have completely forgotten the answer.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

To See Or Not To See

C has a "make-ifying" glass. She asked what it was for. I told her it makes small things look big so they can be seen better, so now she's running around the house looking for things to see. This is what I hear:

A squinky is small!
A leaf is small!
A goldfish cracker is small!
Kitty's nose is small! Kitty! Kitty?!

Poor cat.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Did you say something?

C, to the new cat: 
Do you understand me, kitty? 
Do you UNderSTAND me, kitty? 
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, KITTY?

Should I tell her that, if the cat doesn't respond, the answer is no?

Friday, October 12, 2012

If You Build It, They Will Come

We're at the point of potty training where, when anyone else mentions the bathroom, she HAS to go.  Of course, since she's new at it, she gets first seating preferences.

She also needs to go to the potty the moment we walk into any building, since she knows there is a potty everywhere you go.  In fact, now she sees interesting places as we drive and insists she needs to go potty "right now - in the Hobby Lobby - they have a potty and I need to use it!"

Sigh.

Friday, October 5, 2012

A Good Question!

"Momma, do we stand on Play-Doh?"

At least she asked first.

Likes and Dislikes

She's on my lap eating Cheerios.  Periodically I reach up to type a comment, but my arm blocks her reach to her bowl so she pushes it away.

Me:  Don't do that!  I hate it when you shove my arm like that!
C:  Not me!  I LIKE it when I shove your arm!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Comparatively worse

C:  Momma, I want to play on your Kindle.
Me:  Not right now.
C:  But Momma, I NEED to play on your Kindle!  Or I will be angry.
Me:  Then I can't let you play on my Kindle.
C:  Then I will need to be ANGRIER!

Sunday, September 30, 2012

A Threatening Gesture

Hah. C is holding an SPCA business card up in the cat's face (a testimony to the cat's patience) and demanding, "Read this!  READ THIS!"

Saturday, July 7, 2012

A Little Bit Country

We decided to celebrate Chocolate Day by taking a trip to the local ice cream shop. All afternoon, C talked about what flavor ice cream she would get and who she would share it with. When we arrived, the line was fairly long and, as usual, they were blaring country music. 

After waiting for just a couple of minutes, she announced, "I didn't come here for the ice cream."
"No?" I asked. "Then why are you here?"
She did a little jig and called at the top of her lungs, "I'm here for the MUSIC!"

Friday, July 6, 2012

Unpunishable

I was taking C up to her playpen-itentiary for an infraction. She looked so happy, though. 

C: Will you kiss me?
Me: After your time-out.
C: You will put me in the playpen, and it will be two minutes. Then you will come and get me!! Yay!! (Clapping.)

Somehow I suspect this isn't the most effective disciplinary measure for her.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Shoot First

We had a long day shopping for Teen's necessities for her medical missions trip. We spent longer than I wanted at the very last store, and everyone was tired and cranky. Teen and I stood at the register making our purchases and looking at the passport/ticket holders. 

A little voice behind me piped up. "Momma? May I take my pants off?"

"No," I answered, without looking. The girl at the sales counter snickered, so I glanced at her and noticed the other sales rep, a guy, staring behind me with his hand over his mouth in shocked amusement.

You guessed it. She asked AFTER the fact.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Every Good Store Should Have One

We walked through Home Depot the other day. We were reading the department signs to each other: Lighting, Window Treatments, Lumber. Suddenly she gets excited. 

"Momma? Where is the Ducky Department?"

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Suggestible

C: Momma, I'm hungry. I want something to eat! Then I'll go to bed.
Me: How about a yogurt?
C: Well...I'd really like some eggs.
Me: Sorry, but I'm not going to cook eggs right now.
C: Oh. Well, how about some French toast?
Me (laughing): No, no French toast tonight.
C: Oh! I know!
Me: What do you want?
C: How about soooooooome...YOGURT?!

Things I Never Thought I'd Say Part 5,426

"No, no! Take that chopstick out of your nose!"

Sand...or not

C plays with the sugar in the sugar bowl. I take her outside. She sits on the ground next to the sand box and talks about the toys but won't touch them. I bring her inside. She plays with the sugar in the sugar bowl.

I'm pretty sure this is psychological warfare.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Grammar Rocks!

Ah. This one is definitely MY child.

Me: Good night!
C: Momma?
Me: Yes?
C: I sleeping TIGHTLY!

Yep. Gotta love a nice, correct adverb when appropriate. Now it looks like we just need a little tweak with our helping verbs and we're good to grammarize.

Fun.

Her Irrational Regalness, upon being given free run of the house while I used the bathroom, instead decided to stand outside the door yelling, "No! I will NOT play!" until I came out.

That's the kind of day it is here.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

A Long Time Coming


Wow! I put her to bed and...she went to sleep! Amazing!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Alternatives

At the lunch table:

J: C! Don't hit me!
Me: C, please don't hit J.
C: Oh. Okay.
Me: Don't hit him again.
C: Can I scratch him?

Monday, June 18, 2012

Shopping List

Me: We need to go to the grocery store.
C: Oooh! Buy junk food!
Me (puzzled): What?....Buy what?
C: Junk. Food. 
    Buy. 
    Junk. 
    Food.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Way Back When


Just plain bizarre to have your not-quite-three-year-old talking about things that happened "when I was a little girl."

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Bedtime Prayers

Heavenly Favver, thank you for ours foods, and help the Lord to sleep. Thank you for our grill. Thank you that my stomach doesn't frows, and thank you for it's feeling better. In Jesus' name, amen.

Oh! We gotta pray for the Wii! 

Heavenly Favver, thank you for that J could play on the Wii. Amen!

Ironic


Irony: The toddler dropping the container of disinfectant wipes into the toilet.

Ah!


Wow. She slept through the entire night! Can't remember the last time she did that.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Mischief

Today she drew LONG, swirly orange lines in the middle of the living room carpet. It's amazing how quickly she can ruin things as I chase her yelling, "No! No!" 

She also used my Kindle Fire to purchase Season 1 of Blue's Clues. Sure hope Amazon is understanding about that one...

Monday, June 11, 2012

Wacky Waking

She was up 5-6 times last night (or more...I can't count at 3 a.m.). She got up at 10 this morning, and is now asleep under the dining room table.

Why can't I sleep under the dining room table?

Friday, June 8, 2012

A Willing Worker

Thankful this morning that C constantly talks to herself. I heard her at 3 a.m. and got up to find her wandering through the house! I put her back to bed, but she got up before me. She had taken her cup and her teddy bear into the bathroom, where she was just preparing to scrub the sink. I have no idea who left the bucket of cleaning supplies out - yikes!

Guess I'd better put the gate back on her doorway!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

From The Back Seat Of The Car



C: No!! Bad J! Not nice not nice not nice!!! Stop it, J!
Me: What's he doing?
C: He looking at the plane I looking at! Not nice!

Sometime later, after a trip through the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru:

C: No, no, no! You can't have it! Go away!
Me: What is it now?
C: He asking me for a bite of my chocolate doughnut! No, no, no! Bad J!
Me: He shares food with you all the time!
C: No bite for you, J. <pause> Momma?
Me: Yes?
C: You wanna bite of my chocolate doughnut?

Sunday, June 3, 2012

A New Old Friend


Someone gave us a huge bag of M&Ms. C had a few too many. She danced, she climbed, she jumped. Finally she settled herself in front of the wall and had a lengthy, intense discussion with her shadow, complete with dramatic hand gestures. At the end, "they" high-fived.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

I'm A Poor Listener

"Momma, I'm going to tell you a story. I will tell it to you, and you will listen. So listen.

One Sunday morning, on the sun there was a biiiiig problem. It was raining!"

Sorry...my laughter killed any chance of finding out what happened next.

An Interesting Day

Don't dance the salsa on your bed!
No somersaults at the top of the stairs!
Don't run around with your pants around your ankles!
The sides of your diaper are NOT wings!

What an interesting day.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

What Is That?

She picks up a small black thing from the floor.
C: Is this a rock?
Me: I don't know - let me see it.
C (pops it into her mouth): <crunch> Might be bird poop.

I really, really don't want to know why she thinks that.

And...it's finally BEDTIME!!! The end (I hope) of a crazy broadcast day.

Running From The Law

A sample of our day

Me: C, take that shoe out of your mouth.
C: Oh. Can I eat it after I sit in my time-out chair?
Me: No, you can not.
C: Oh.
She turns and carries the shoe around the corner where I can't see her.