Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Life Is Better With Me!
Me: Maybe it's not so wonderful to be royalty, after all.
C: Oh! I know why they aren't happy!
Me: Why's that?
C: Because they don't have a PRINCESS! (holds out arms in a "ta-da, it's me" pose)!
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Is There A Vaccine For That?
At the appointment, we were given an information sheet about the MMR vaccine. C was reading all the details of problems caused by the three diseases. She came to me and spoke very seriously:
"Momma! I definitely don't want to get measles, mumps, or rebellia!"
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Don't Go Breakin' His Heart
Me: I love you more than the biggest hug in the universe!
C: Why did you say that?
Me: Because it's true!
C: Oh! (Climbs off my lap and starts playing in the living room)
Five minutes later:
C: Momma, can you be the one to tell J that you love me more than anyone else?
Hah!
A Star Is Born
Me: No, why?
C: Because stars are BRIGHT and BOLD! I'm the one, all right!!
Sunday, November 30, 2014
A Real Toe Tapper
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Playing Dolls
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Math Application
"Eleven twoths - or is that seconds? - teaspoons of baking powder..."
Fractions: check!
Thinking Outside of the Box
C: Momma, do babies come to the house in boxes, or does someone bring them to your house?
Me: Oh, dear.
Monday, October 6, 2014
Old-Fashioned Footwear
C: Momma, what did Lazarus look like?
Me: Nobody knows. He probably looked like an ordinary guy.
C: Did he look like Daddy?
Me: Well, probably not. He probably had dark hair...
C: And a nice soft beard?
Me: Yes, a beard. And his skin was a little darker than Daddy's.
C: And he probably had socks on!
Me: Uh...yeah...uh...no...
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Not a Rose by Any Name
C (with nose plugged): I sure hope you don't stink any more when you come out!
Yeah. That's kinda the point, kid!
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
The Shape Of Things
Anyone want to guess how she made them?
Scrambled!
My optimistic yearning for peace and quiet got the better of me for a moment!
Monday, September 29, 2014
She Knows Herself
Me: Yes, it is pretty! But would you actually let me put it in your hair?
C: Yes!!! ...Uh...no. No, I wouldn't. (Puts bow back on display.)
Friday, September 26, 2014
Reenacting Great Literature
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
What's in a name? (Part N)
Hmmmmm...I guess we eat pancakes for dinner a little too often...
Friday, September 19, 2014
There Might Be Dragons...
C (enthusiastically): Oh! You're right! We shouldn't do dangerous things! ... Momma, what's dangerous mean?
Me: It's when we do something that could easily be harmful.
C: Like what? What's something dangerous?
Me: Well, standing on the arm of the rocking chair to reach something is dangerous.
C: I did that today! It was dangerous, wasn't it?
Me: Yes, it was.
C: So standing on the arm of the rocking chair is dangerous.
Me: Yep!
C: And playing with dragons! That seems dangerous!
Me: Wha ...?
C: Unless they are nice dragons. Then it's okay.
Me: Well, but you won't know if it's a nice dragon or not until it's too late.
C: Oh. That's true. So when I see a dragon in the back yard, I should stay inside. Thanks, Momma!
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Wants To Chill
After a very busy day filled with wants:
C: Momma, after dinner can you make popsicles?
Me: Honey, you're asking too much of me.
C: Asking too much - asking so many things that Momma can't do and expecting her to do them and driving her crazy!
Me: Exactly!
C: So...can you make popsicles after dinner?
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Cutting Edge Ideas
Self Control
Thursday, August 28, 2014
She’s From Yew Nork
Setting the table for our hotdog and hamburger dinner, C carries out the ketchup and mustard, then asks, "Do we need the mayonnaise?"
"I like it on my burger," I answer.
"Oh! And how about the rill delish?"
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
A Time For War, A Time For Peace
As C and J play happily together all morning, I prepare my school calendar and wonder, "Why on earth couldn't they get along so well for any of the 2,000 minutes they spent together in the car last week?"
Friday, August 22, 2014
Detained in the Parking Lot
PSA: If you leave fruit snacks in the car on a hot Missouri day, the packet contents will melt and provide huge amounts of entertainment for a mischievous child whose parents are too distracted to pay close attention.
Nest up: Welch’s Makeup Tips!
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Urgent!
One highlight of the trip: after 358 miles, C decided she had an urgent wedgie.
C: Pull over! Pull over! I have a wedgie!
Me: H will help you with that.
H: Pick up your leg so I can pull fabric from the side.
C: No, H! A wedgie is in the MIDDLE!
Entire family: DUH, H!
Sunday, August 10, 2014
What C is for
Me: Oh! I forgot to eat breakfast!
C: Well, Momma, I'll tell you what. On our way to church, we can stop by Dunkin Donuts and you can get some C-O-F-F-E-E!!
She can spell coffee. Looks like I'm raising her right!
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Hurry Up And Wait
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Tangled
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Love Is Patient
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
THAT Mom
Sunday, July 27, 2014
The Truth Comes Out
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Possibilities
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
It's All Playtime
Young Babysitting
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Pick-nic Lunch
Saturday, July 12, 2014
The Punishment Fits The Crime
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Blue and Purple
A Day In A Doll’s Life
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
First Place Goes To...
Thursday, July 3, 2014
And in Second Place...
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Public Eye
Choices
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Voice Acting
Voice characterization meets Are You My Mother!
C, reading aloud: "Where is my mother?" he said.
She rejects this and tries other options.
(In a high, squeaky voice): "Where is my mother?"
(In a whispery, heavily accented voice): "Verr ees my muddah?"
(In a low, loud, gravelly voice): WHERE IS MY MOTHER?"
She settles on option #2, and the reading continues.
A baby bird sounds an awful lot like a Cold War Russian spy when he whispers, "I haff to find herr! I vill! I VILL!!"
Sunday, June 15, 2014
State of Spoonerism
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Don’t Bug Me
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Spelling Attitude
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Listening Closely
Teacher: Where did all the people travel to?
Child: Jerusalem!
Teacher: That's right! And why did they go to Jerusalem?
C (covering her ears): They wanted to know who was making all that noise!!
Friday, June 6, 2014
Reasonable Love
Me: I love you so much, too!
C: Well, at least on this day - because you're making hot dogs.
Me: Oh...
C: There isn't any reason to love you that much any other day! Ha ha!
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Inside Out
*****
I told her He made her genetic code first. Because I'm fun like that.
Safety First
Sigh. Guess it's time to step in.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Float Like A Butterfly...
C: I want to be a butterfly!
Dad: where would you fly if you were a butterfly?
C: I would fly into the street and attack people!!
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Time Well Spent
The Wife of the Pastor
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Aging Well
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Opposites
Saturday, May 10, 2014
A Little Ditty
C: I don't feel like being good today.
Me (sighing): You're exhausting.
C (making up a new song): I'm exhausting
Trosting
Rosting
Causing lots of trouble!
Dreaming of Being In Charge
Since I haven't seen hide nor hair of J yet today, I go upstairs. Sure enough, J's fast asleep in his bed. I enter C's room and sit on her bed. "Honey, J's sleeping. He's not doing your job. You're having a dream!"
"No, I'M not having a dream. J's having a dream. He's dreaming that he's doing MY job!"
Friday, May 9, 2014
A Rainbow Of Truth
The Mail Must Go Through
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Pale By Comparison
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Prayer Requests
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
What's In A Name
C: I don't like it when you call me Honey.
Me: Oh, okay! Sorry, So-and-so!
C: Stop saying So-and-so!
Me: Well, what do you want me to call you?
C: How about...uh...Sugarplum?!
Thursday, March 27, 2014
The Mail Must Go Through
C: But I drew him a picture of me screaming so it would hurt his feelings and he'd give me my superball back.
The Wet Look
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Looking For Some Freedom
C: Momma, I love you! Even when you're not here.
Me: Oh! I love you, too!
C: And I'll love you even when you're dead!
Me: ...Oh. Great.
C: But I won't miss you! I'll still have a brother and a sister!
Me: Yes...
C: Oh. But that's almost the same as parents. Sigh.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Different Sides of Beauty
I like your hair
It's so, so so-oft
Plus I like to sneeze in it...
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Bedtime
The answer is clear to me.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
On Being Mean
Me: Why is that?
C: Because I want to be mean back!
Yeah, I've felt that way at times, myself.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Sharing a Snack
Good Fun That Is Funny
This sounds so very sweet!
It also sounds an awful lot like the beginning of the Cat in the Hat, though...
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Pretentious
Her answer? "I'm pretending to be nice to him."
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Boredom Sets In
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
What A Girl Wants
Me: Oh, you don't mean that! Who would put you to bed or take you to the library? No, what you want to say is "I love you but I'm really, really angry."
C: No! What I WANT to say is "give me some candy!"
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Meant To Be
We simultaneously look at J, who is oblivious. Then we look at C. She's been listening in. She is nodding her head sagely.
LOL!
Monday, March 3, 2014
No Hate Speech
Me: Uh...ok...
C (whispering loudly and too closely): I love you! And your hair smells gross!
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Geography
"Look, Momma! The Dramatic Republic of the Congo!"
This is strange on a couple of levels.
Hypocrisy In Action
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
An Oldie
I'm going to be sorry. I can just feel it.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
What Goes Down...
Me: Stop that! You're going to make yourself belch! Oh. That's what you want, isn't it?
C: Nope. Throw up!
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Act Now!
Me: No, I'm sorry. The cake is too warm to frost yet. We'll eat it tomorrow.
C: But, Momma, I'm worried. What if it cools off aaaaaaall night, and then it's too cold and the frosting falls right off? I think we'd better eat it tonight, just to be sure.
Friday, February 21, 2014
Sibling Take-Down
C: I only wish I had a mom who was only nice all the time.
H: She IS nice all the time! You should have seen her when I was your age!
J: Well, she HAS to be mean sometimes because you're not always very good.
Me: I don't mind having a kid who isn't only nice all the time!
C: (mutter mutter mutter) Well, I still want one that's only nice all the time, even when I'm not!
Forget the Five Second Rule.
Me: Well, it's a good rule, but I don't think the Bible says it.
C: Sure it does! Remember that guy Lazarus? He was hungry and he had sores and no one could touch him and he had no food? He ate what fell off the rich man's table, but no one should do that!
Maybe she's listening, after all...
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Twongue Tisted
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Washing Us Clean
While I like her theology, somehow I think it's a ploy to divert attention from the chocolate cake and whipped cream on the carpet.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
What Would The Goldfish Think?
This sounds so very sweet!
It also sounds an awful lot like the beginning of the Cat in the Hat, though...
Rorschach
Me: Mhm, that's nice...what?
C: Chili! Made from salami!
Me: What??
C (walking to doorway and showing me a piece of salami bitten into a long, thin strip): See?? Chile, made from salami!
Me: ...Oh!
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Kind of the same thing...
Her answer? "I'm pretending to be nice to J."
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Creation Vs.
Me: In a manner of speaking.
C: Okay! God made everything. (Thinks for a second.) Oh - except China made some things, too.
Friday, February 7, 2014
A New Name
Where does she come up with this stuff?
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
What A Mess!
Me (racing up the steps with all sorts of scenarios flashing through my imagination): COMING!…(seeing nothing extraordinary)…what's wrong?
C: LOOK! Look at that!! Someone used up all the toilet paper and DIDN'T CHANGE THE ROLL!!
Ah. Finally someone understands me!
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Why She Loves Me
It's past bedtime now, and we're just waiting for Daddy to get home so she will go to bed. She climbs up on my lap. We chat for a few minutes about the appeal of Facebook, and then she asks, "Momma, do you know one thing I really do like about you? Really, a lot?"
Me: What?
C (as she pulls my arms around her): You're warm!
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Amateur Judge
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Lolly, Lolly, Lolly
C: Brrrrrrr! I'm cold!
Me: Yes! It's a cold night! Don't worry. I'll dry you off really quick!
C: QuickLY. You'll dry me off really quickLY, Momma.
The apple don't fall far from the tree, does it?
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
The Beach Is Nice, Too
C: Vermont is Daddy's favorite state! <side note: she says Vermont now>
Me: That's nice. What's your favorite state?
C: Oh, I like Hawaii!
Me: Ah! Me, too. <Realizing that she can't possibly appreciate a tropical island like I can> What do you like about Hawaii?
C: Oh, I like it because it's small…like me!
As if there aren't enough reasons to like Hawaii, now I have one more. :)
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
The Baby Is Coming!
Suddenly, ANGELS appeared in the sky! They said, "BeHOOOOOOOLD!! A new baby has come to town!"
So thankful the birds-and-bees discussion seems to be a long way off!
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Guilty As Charged
C: It's because Jimmy called me "belly." That was rude. And cheating. On purpose.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Ba-Dum-Ching
C: I can't find them! Will you help me?
Me: Sure. Where did you wear them last?
C: On my feet.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Swabbie
Me: It sure is!
<C brings the mop into the dining room>
Me: Please take that back to the kitchen.
C: Oh.
Me: What would I do with a mop in my dining room?
C: Hmmmm…<looks down at the carpet>…be worried!