Thursday, May 31, 2012

What Is That?

She picks up a small black thing from the floor.
C: Is this a rock?
Me: I don't know - let me see it.
C (pops it into her mouth): <crunch> Might be bird poop.

I really, really don't want to know why she thinks that.'s finally BEDTIME!!! The end (I hope) of a crazy broadcast day.

Running From The Law

A sample of our day

Me: C, take that shoe out of your mouth.
C: Oh. Can I eat it after I sit in my time-out chair?
Me: No, you can not.
C: Oh.
She turns and carries the shoe around the corner where I can't see her.


I knew this day would come. My kid wants to borrow my (*MY*) Kindle to read a book by themselves. I just didn't expect the first request to be from the toddler.

Request denied, kid. Bwa ha ha.

An Idea Whose Time Has Come

Whee. I have a hedonistic snot faucet carelessly glazing my home.

Why has no one invented the under-nose bucket yet?

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Crime And Punishment

She's become discipline-resistant. Time out chair and playpen-itentiary have no effect. 

We have a play yard in the living room where I put her while I shower - it's got her play kitchen and toys in it. I had to put her there tonight for about 45 minutes because I had to make dinner and she was unmanageable. That seemed to work - she settled down for a while. Unfortunately, she's in there again. This time, though, she became angry and threw every toy out. Except one - she held onto a toy phone when she realized it was the very. last. toy.

Hah. I think I've got her now.


Uh oh.  I think she's got her lawyer on the phone...

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

It Takes All Kinds

She's wearing her brother's tricorn hat. She swashes into the room and announces, "I'm a scurvy pirate!" Running right up to my face, she squints and yells, "Arrrrrrrgh!"

"Oh!" I say. "Should I be scared?!"

"No," she smiles. "I'm a NICE scurvy pirate!"

Monday, May 28, 2012

How Bad?

This morning C woke up and wanted a big hug.

Me: Are you my big girl?
C: No.
Me: Then what are you?
C: I bad.
Me: You're bad?
C: No. I not bad.
Me: What are you, then?

Sunday, May 27, 2012

What's In A Name?

Her Dictatorship woke without a fever, but wavers between despotism and sack-of-potatoism. After asking for a hug, she didn't want me to put her down.

Me: Are you a lump today?
C: No. I am a chump.
Me: A what?
C: A child-lump!

Saturday, May 26, 2012

A Fever is a Fever is a...

Her Dictatorship was feverish at bedtime, so I gave her some Tylenol. After a bit, I took her up to bed.

C: Momma?
Me: Yes?
C: Feel my cheek. It is normal now. Is it?
Me: Yes, it feels normal.
C: No more beaver!
Me: Huh?
C: I was hot but you gave me Tylenol, and now there is no more beaver! My cheek is normal!


Her Dictatorship has a cold. Despotic rulers are even more despotic when they have stuffy noses.

Thankfully, the Backyardigans are keeping her distracted.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Heat Wave

She doesn't want to wear clothes. It's hot today, so I put her in a little skirt and tank top - super cute. She keeps trying to pull them off, but I won't let her (because, seriously, I can't have her doing it in church or at the store). 

She went to her room insisting that she would find something better to wear.

What did she bring downstairs? Fleece footie pajamas. She scores 100% for style and taste, and 0% for weather appropriateness.


She doesn't want to wear clothes.  It's hot today, so I put her in a little skirt and tank top - super cute.  She keeps trying to pull them off, but I won't let her (because, seriously, I can't have her doing it in church or at the store).

She went to her room insisting that she would find something better to wear.

What did she bring downstairs?  Fleece footie pajamas.  She scores 100% for style and taste, and 0% for weather appropriateness.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

How Dictators Practice Persuasion

We're having a crabby day, so I took the kids outside to draw with sidewalk chalk. Suddenly C has an idea which perks her right up. She puts her sweet on.

"Momma? Can you go get my tricycle for me? It's in the garage. Please? Then I'll probably be 'Thank you! Thank you!' So will you get it for me? Please?"

Just TRY saying no to that.

Mystery Solved!

LOL!! This morning the sun shone in the window and cast an odd shadow on the window shade. Because I hadn't finished my coffee, I didn't bother to check the window itself. I puzzled over it for a while, but decided there must be something outside that caused it. 

Just went to the window to chase a bird off the air conditioner (trying to nest there). Pulled up the window shade. Last night, C took a baby wipe and stuck it to the window pane.


I love gravity - I really do. Except when C is at the top of the stairs holding the first sheet of a fresh roll of paper towels, a circumstance that seems to happen far too often.

Maybe I'll rethink buying the club pack of paper towels.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Mission Accomplished

She found a New Testament in a drawer.

"The Bible of the Penguins. Once they saw Jesus and said, 'Who is it?'
'I don't know!'
Then Peter said, 'He is the Son of God!'"

I guess we don't need to send missionaries to Antarctica.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Time Out!

Loving the time out chair. We have such interesting discussions. And I can say in my nice-momma voice, "Would you like to sit in the time out chair?"

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Oddly Fitting

I made a typo that I like. I was talking about C, but instead of toddler, my finger missed the t and I typed "oddler." I think it suits her.

Monday, May 14, 2012

My New Best Friend

C, meet your new friend, the Time Out Chair.


I think she will end up ruling the world from a grand, golden Time Out Throne.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Playing Around

We took out some board games this evening, and C settled down to play with the wooden letter tiles from one game. After a while, we packed everything up and watched a movie. After the movie, C brought a ziploc bag filled with letter tiles to me. Holding it up, she whined,

"I wanna play Scribble!"

Friday, May 11, 2012

A Common Problem

C brings her step stool over to the china closet and steps up on it. Her goal is to gaze at herself in the mirror on the back.

Me: C, are you so gorgeous that you can't stop looking at yourself?
Teen DD: Yeah. I have that problem, too.

Table Talk

"No, I will NOT answer your question while you're on my table."

Another thing I never pictured myself saying.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

More Bedtime Prayers

Me: Please bless C.
C: And help to stop licking things!
Me: Yes. (Pulling hair from her mouth) And to stop chewing her hair.
C : (Whap!) And to stop kicking!
Me: Yes...
C (muffled): And to take fingers outta the nose!

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Reading Over My Shoulder

It is eerie, and bizarre, and just plain weird to have my toddler reading everything I type.

Ah! She doesn't know the words eerie and bizarre. Guess I need to up my vocab!

Friday, May 4, 2012

A Bizarre Discovery

C and I have been left home alone about three times this week. Mayhem? Insanity? A recipe for disaster?

Actually, when it's just the two of us, the house is very, very quiet. She is sweet, kind, and helpful. She plays by herself, doesn't climb or throw anything, and is even polite when she asks a thousand times for her latest obsession.

DH and the big kids went to youth group, and we are sitting quietly on the couch together. I'm about to go get some chocolate ice cream to share.

Perhaps the loud people in this family drive her as nuts as they drive me, and inside she's an introvert. Finally - a child made in my image?

Act Your Age!

"Don't you realize you're acting like a TWO year old?


Yep. That was me.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Evacuation Plan

Sweet: Your toddler climbing into bed with you an hour before waking time for some extra cuddling.

Not-so-sweet: Realizing an hour later that her diaper had leaked and she was really just in search of dry ground.