A Thoughtless Remark

C is still coughing a lot at night, so I put some vapor rub on her.

Me:  Mmmmmmm!  You smell good!
C:  You mean that chest rub gunk?  Yuck!  You like that smell?
Me:  Well, I didn't when I was a kid, but now I know that it helps you breathe.  It clears your head.
C:  WHAT?  Clears my head?  Get this stuff off of me!

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?

Me:  No!  Don't jump down those stairs!!
C (jumps):  Ta da!
Me:  I told you not to jump!  What happened to your English?
C:  Es ist isn't gut!

Polling Well

C, at bedtime:  You're almost the best parent in our family!

Vintage

The other day we were at Jimmy's swimming lesson.  C and I sit next to the pool, but there isn't much to do.  We often end up playing I Spy to pass the time.  It was her turn.

C:  I spy with my little eye... (looks around, then directly at my face) ...something pink!  Well, not exactly pink.  Old pink.  I spy something OLD pink.

Me:  My lips?

C:  Yes!!!  How'd you guess so fast?

Book Review

C just finished reading the story of King Midas from a children's anthology.  This is her synopsis:

There was this king, and he loved gold.  And he loved his little daughter Marigold, too.  One day he got the power to turn things to gold.  Everything he touched, or hugged, or kissed, turned to gold!  But then he accidentally turned Marigold to gold, too.  Then he lost the power, and everything went back to normal.  These stories are dramatic, but they're trying to teach me, so I just read them.

A Little Light Reading

Just got off my elliptical and went to check on the kids.

Me: J, you working?

J: Yep! Just finished science and I'm getting ready to work on my paper.

Me: Good job! C, you okay?

C: Yes, I'm great!

Me: What are you doing?

C: Oh, just reading about the Black Death!

Medieval studies can be a bit macabre.

Unrestrained Laughter

We were getting in the car to return H to the airport, and were in a hurry, so DH started the car before everyone was completely strapped in, though we never move the car until everybody is ready.

C: Wait!!! You need to know the hazards of having an unrestrained child in the car!

Us: Ha ha ha ha!

C: Stop laughing! This is serious business! I'm giving you a safety lesson!

That did not help at all.

The Joys of Motherhood

C, in an irritated tone:  Why do you always get all the fun stuff?
Me, completely flabbergasted:  I get all the fun stuff?  What fun stuff?
C:  Kids!  You have kids.  We're fun!

Rise and Shine!

Ever have one of those days when you wake up and feel like you can conquer the world?

C is having one of those days.

Apparently conquering, like charity, begins at home.

Just Socializing

Three snippets of "socialization" Miss C style:

Somebody called me a weirdo, but I don't know why.

N says she wants me to come to her house for something.  I think it's something important or fun or something.  Like maybe a party or something.  Can I go?

Somebody (at home) needs to play with me, because I only got to play one game of Ring Around The Rosy, and that's not enough playing.  So you must play.

Ununschool

 We've done spelling, reading comprehension, and now math.  School starts next week; apparently someone missed that memo!

Goals

 Me:  Be careful!  The wedding is tomorrow!

C:  Flower girls don't have big fat lips!

Me:  They do if they get hit in the mouth with a swing the night before!

C (eyes glinting):  Ooooooh!

This could be a long night!  Starting to think that early bedtime is in order!

A Serious Injury

 We went on a hike yesterday along the Niagara gorge, and at one point C fell pretty hard.  This conversation took place tonight at bedtime.

C:  Momma, my arm still hurts.

Me:  Does it?

C:  Yes.  And my knee.

Me:  I'm sorry to hear that.

C:  Momma?

Me:  Yes?

C:  I think I've broken my pizzazz.

(Don't worry, internet friends, I think it's only sprained.  Surely if C broke her pizzazz, the world would have tipped on its axis.)

We Are Fo Nun

C is enjoying Runny Babbit (Shel Silverstein), but is seriously disappointed that we didn't give her a name that can be runny-babbited.

We are so inconsiderate.

Are You There, God?

C:  Look, Momma!!  I found my MICROPHONE!!

Me:  Even though I'm a pastor's wife, sometimes I wonder if there is a God.

Bad Examples

Irony:  Charis doesn't like Ramona books (or Junie B. Jones, Clementine, Ivy & Bean, or Judy Moody) because they do bad things and she doesn't want to read about that.

Lessons from a Classic

My kids just finished watching the animated Disney classic, Aristocats.  It was C's first time seeing it.

Was she left with the impression that love and friendship overcome adversity? Or that those who dig pits are destined to fall into them?  Or even that cats are fun, or jazz is cool?

No.  She wants to practice putting her stuffed animals in a sack and kidnapping them.

Moving Violations

Little dilemma while waiting with C for a sibling in the DMV today: Continue to play I Spy in LOUD WHISPERS or let her watch herself dance in the anti-theft mirror.  Since someone needed a ride to work at 5:35 this morning, I opted for the dancing (which requires a lot less thought).  

Irony:  Steadfastly refusing to read Ramona the Pest because Momma picked it and, therefore, "I hate that book."

Talented

C:  I grabbed J's arm because he grabbed mine!

Me:  Oh, great!  Because two wrongs make a right!  Oh, wait.  Something doesn't sound quite right there.

J:  I love your sarcasm, Momma.  You're very good at it.

C:  I love your hypmathism.

Apple don't fall far.

Bookworm

This morning we took H to work, which is 7 minutes from home.  C brought a book with her for the trip.

C:  You'll have to strap me in.

Me:  Why is that?

C:  I'm reading my book!

Ten minutes later:

C:  Where's H?

Me:  We dropped her off!  We said goodbye and everything!

C (returning to her book):  Oh.  I don't remember.

I think she has a reading problem!

Going Bananas

C storms in from the back yard:

Momma, I want J to play with me but he just wants to be alone, and I feel like an old, mooshed banana that nobody wants to eat at all.

Waiting Game

Driving to the bank:

C:  I want some cantaloupe.
Me:  Do I have cantaloupe with me?
C:  No.
Me:  When did I say you could have some?
C:  When we get home.
Me:  Right.  We won't be out long.  Just wait a little.
C:  But I don't want to wait!
Me:  I think you'd be a happier person if you learned to have patience.
C: Hmmm...Momma?  I don't think I was made for patience.


*******


Me:  No one is really made for patience, but we all need it.
C:  Maybe some people are made for patience.
Me:  Like who?
C:  I know!  Girls named Patience are made for patience!!
Me:  Your name is Joy, but you're not particularly joyful.
C:  ...Oh.

Book Review

C:  I finished the book "Junie B. Jones and the Stupid, Smelly Bus."
Me:  Was it a good book?
C:  Not really.  One page was ripped, and it smelled kind of weird.
Me: ...Oh...uh...did you like the story?
C:  Oh, yes!!

Literal Girl strikes again!

Bookworm

Me:  C, please help clean the living room.
C: ...
Me:  C!  We need your help, please!
C: ...Huh?
Me:  Please help clean the living room.  Mrs. Visitor is coming over!
C:  Oh, okay!  As soon as I finish this chapter.

Be careful what you wish for!

Questionably Helpful

C (wrapping her arms around me and pressing her cheek to mine):  Momma, I love you!
Me:  Aw!  I love you, too!
C:  What would you like me to do for you?
Me:  How sweet!  I'd love it if you'd straighten up the living room.
C:  Oh.  I shouldn't have asked.  (She skips off to play.)

She's Not Wrong

C, trying to convince me to let her play on the Wii: "My want is bigger than your no!"

Getting Up Is Hard To Do

Me:  You still sleepy?
C:  Yes.  (Sigh.)
Me:  Getting up is hard work, isn't it?
C:  Yeah! Because you've got to be ready to not sleep any more!

Looks like I've been doing it wrong all these years.

Good Question...

C: I want to use your phone.
Me: Not right now.
C: Momma, why don't you just relax and let me do whatever I want?

Preening

C just ate a chocolate cupcake, and had a big crumb on her shoulder.  While she was talking to me, I reached over, took the crumb, and ate it.

C:  Why did you do that?
Me:  I was just being like a monkey.
C, looking puzzled:  Oh...

Then she reached over, took something out of my hair, and ate it!

Monkey see, monkey do.

Like A Little Kid

C is a very visual learner, so when I correct her, I tend to give her a visual example so she understands best.  When she yells and tantrums at J, I tell her she's behaving like a two year old because she knows how they behave and gets a mental picture of her behavior.

Me:  Come here!  You're acting like a two year old again.
C:  Yes, I am.
Me:  You're shrieking and yelling at J.
C:  Well...(explanation of what she wanted).
Me:  Why do two year olds yell and scream?
C:  Because they don't know the words!
Me:  Right!
C:  That's also why hummingbirds hum!

If you give a kid a joke book...

Twinning

C:  Hey, Momma!  We’re just the same, except that I’m cuter!

Peeps!

C is playing with a little stuffed chick that she got in her Easter basket last year.  She’s calling it Peepy.

I’ve advised against it, even though it goes along with yesterday’s puzzle humor.

Winnie

Slightly ashamed at my juvenile sense of humor.  C and I are working on a 200 piece puzzle.  We're sorting the pieces, which sounds like this:

Look!  Tigger's tail!
And some of Eeyore!
Here's a little piece of Pooh!

Totally cracks me up every single time.

These billboards appear in random locations around my area. Whenever C sees one, she invariably says, "thank you!"

No self-esteem issues here!

I don't mean to...

C, cleaning up her toys: I'm doing this even though I hate it.
Me: We all have to do things that we hate sometimes.
C: Like Jimmy with his schoolwork!
Me: Yeah! And like me doing the dishes.
C: Hey!!! Like me when I have to be mean to people!! :)
Me: Uh...no. No, that's a choice you're making. You don't have to do that.
C: Oh. 

Knock Knock!

When C wanted to know how her stomach worked, we looked up a picture of the digestive system.  When she asked about ears, we found a picture of the workings of the ear.  Now she wants me to find a picture of "that door...or whatever it is...that the baby comes out."

Some Kind Of Fun

After constant, obnoxious interruptions in three separate conversations within 20 minutes:

Me:  Interrupting is very rude.  Do you want to be rude to your daddy?
C: No!!
Me:  Do you want to be rude to H?
C:  Oh, no!  No!
Me:  Do you want to be rude to J?
C:  No - well, yeah.  I kind of like doing that.

In The Blink Of An Eye

C:  Sometimes I lie and I try to trick you.
Me:  Yes.  And sometimes it works, but it's hard to trick Mom & Dad.
C:  And God.
Me:  Right.  You can't trick God.
C:  Yeah.  He knows everything!  And He's always watching!
Me:  That's right.
C:  Momma?
Me:  Yes?
C:  Does God blink?

Affirmation

C has a little Christmas money left, so we ran to the Dollar Tree to get a balloon. She picked a heart shaped one with pictures of streamers and the words "you're so special."

Now she's running around the house holding the balloon by its string. Every few minutes, she turns around, looks affectionately at the balloon, and says, "why, thank you, balloon! You're pretty special, too!"

What's In A Name?

Me: If you could change your name, what name would you pick?
Jimmy: I don't know. I like the name Jacob. Or Michael.
Charis: Nut Job. Or Curious George.

Rockin’ The House

Why is she throwing a rock the size of a tennis ball in the house??????

"But it won't hurt anything!"
"I'll throw it gently!"
"Momma, what are rocks for? I guess God would know that.  He's a pretty smart guy."

Do you still wonder why I need caffeine?

Not Well Protected

I picked up my phone and noticed that, for the first time in two years, the screen protector was dirty underneath.

Me: C, did you pull my screen protector off my phone?
C: What do you mean?
Me: There is a clear piece of plastic stuck on my screen to keep it safe. Did you peel it up and then put it back down?
C: No. I didn't do that. I didn't know there was a piece of plastic there.
Me: Are you sure?
C: Yes! I'm sure! And I wasn't picking my nose then, either.

Possession is Nine Tenths

Sometimes C helps me fold the towels, and lately I've had in mind to make it her routine chore. Naturally she shies away from assigned responsibility.

Me: Would you please fold the towels?
C: No. Sorry.
Me: There aren't many and you do such a good job.
C: Nope.
<Pause>
Me: You know, when J was your age, it was his job to take care of the shoe closet.
C: But I do that now.
Me: That's right. And it was also HIS job to fold all the towels.
C (running to the laundry basket): MY job! Mine, mine all mine! My job, my job, my job!

And she did it well and cheerfully, too.

Health Care

Random bedtime discussion:

C: I hate shots! I wish I never needed one again!
Me: Me, too. I don't know anyone who likes shots.
C: Yeah. Everyone hates them. But we have to get them to keep us healthy. Except God. He's well prepared.

Voices In Your Head

C is reading silently when J turns on some music in the next room.

C: J!!  Turn the music down!  I can't hear my book!

(I know how she feels, although generally SHE'S the one who is so loud I can't hear myself think.)

Love By Default

C (hugging me):  I love you so much, Momma!
Me:  I love you, too!
C:  Do you know why I love you so very much?
Me:  I have an idea.
C:  It's because there's absolutely no one else home at all right now.  <3

Yeah, that's what I thought. :)

Left Out

The other night, C and I were chatting about a game that DH and I used to play with the big kids when they were little.
C:  Oh!  That sounds like fun!
Me:  It was!
C:  Ha ha! ...Wait!  You did this before I was born?
Me:  Yeah.
C:  You had fun without ME??
Me:  Well, yes.
C (angry):  You should have waited!
Me:  But we didn't know you'd be coming!
C (storming off):  I can't believe you had fun without me.  Before I was born!  That's so RUDE!!!

Cooking 101

A food prep tip from C:

When you're peeling fruit for other people, you need to wash your hands if you scratch your butt.

No Help Wanted

Our dollhouse now has a sign taped on it that says, "no acn figyeor," which being translated means "no action figures."

I wonder how equal housing opportunity laws will impact her landlord practices.

******

I don't know what she's being so picky about.  When she plays dollhouse, it generally involves explosions, screaming, and people being blown into the next room.  You'd think a superhero or a few representatives of the armed forces would be welcome.

Monochromatic Rant

We have a small black wipe-off board that used to have three neon colored markers.  Only one marker is left, however.  C just finished giving me a lengthy rant about not being able to draw a rainbow with only a yellow marker (and it was so dramatic that I had to cover my face to keep from bursting with laughter).

Then I decided to open the new white board I just bought.  One guess what she drew.  In black and white.

What Was Going On?

C:  So Jesus is God, and God is Jesus.
Me:  Yes...it's hard to understand...but yeah.
C:  But God knows everything!
Me:  Yes, He knows everything!
C:  He even knows what happened in the nineties!!

Hmmmm...

******

C:  And He knows ALL the math!!

Perks of Being Mom

C:  Momma, why can you eat in the living room?  No one else is allowed to eat in the living room!
J:  That's because if SHE spills something, SHE has to clean it up, whereas when WE spill something, SHE has to clean it up.
C:  Wow, Momma!  I'm glad I'm not you!!!

Lifting Weight

Me:  Let me carry that jug of milk for you.  It's nearly full and the lid may be loose.

C:  Wow!!!  You're OLD, but you can pick up heavy things!

Me (snortling):  I'm strong like that.

C:  But how can you be so strong when you're so OLD?!